Thursday, May 28, 2015

The Clerk @ 5 LPA

Post MBA...

The Expectation:

- Step out of a shiny big car in pencil heels...crisp business suit...filofax in one hand, Blackberry in another...strutting proud to the sparkly office building while the driver parked the car.
- In office - assistant hands over a double-shot-cappuccino and rattles of the days agenda at break neck speed...meetings, presentations, town halls...
- Decisions decisions...crunch data, make excel sheets, meet people and have discussions to support that one move which would "change the world"
- Delegate work, manage people...make time for bigger more important tasks...think strategy! Be a business partner!
- Make people happy...let work speak for itself
- Assumed Salary - $$$$$$'s ...lots of them

The Reality Check:

- Step out of a dusty small car in "happy sneakers" (neon pink ones to be precise)...car keys in one hand, backpack being held by the other...crumpled clothes from the long drive in NH8 traffic...slowly amble to the office building in the heat...each step more measured than the first.
- In office - guards greet you with a smile and it all but ends there...flip on the computer and plough through 50 email, prioritizing and making a "To Do" list the length of the Great Wall of China, knowing fully well none of these things will be done before the Boss' To Do list gets checked.
- Follow orders, hold back ideas, try not to sound intelligent because intelligence gets shot down by the Boss with the odd accusation of you trying to jump the gun.
- Be the department mule - marvel at how work parks itself on your desk...be managed by your peer, who does nothing but scratch her head while staring aimlessly into the distance (she's "Figuring it out" you moron!)
- Bare the brunt of people's dissatisfaction, be labeled incompetent and still work twice as hard to prove them wrong
- Actual Salary - INR 5LPA (GROSS)...subject to all kinds of deductions

This is the life of your average Indian MBA (HR) student who has studied in a not so "A" Grade B-School. Just managed to make the grade because most of the things being taught were random and theoretical with very little practical application.

This average Indian MBA (HR) had big dreams - till the corporate jungle engulfed their spirit and spat out half the person they used to be. Hired by the company in a clerical capacity, but popularly referred to as a "Member" of the infamous "People Team". Not knowing how to be loud, or how to suck up to the boss...getting paid half as much as your peers and being made to work twice as hard was all in a days work.

Work is work...more work means better learning...NOT! This is a common misconception in the minds of most MBA students - the more we get to do, the more we learn...it may be true for the initial 1 year of your "Corporate Existence" but it holds no water beyond that stage. Quality over Quantity - ALWAYS! There is no point producing super automated excel sheet's to calculate appraisal outputs when someone else becomes the face of the project and sits in for all the meetings. Excel is a skill which is like swimming - once you learn it, you don't forget it...sitting for appraisal discussions with leaders, finding out about business plans and how to integrate human resources with those plans - is something worth learning...and re-learning.

MBA teaches you ALOT of theory about ALOT of different things - job's are meant to teach you how to put all that corporate jargon into practice...or not. It all depends on which part of the corporate jungle you land up in and how aligned you are with Darwin's Corporate theory - survival of the "smartest" (where smartness < > intelligence). When in Suckerville - learn to suck up to the Queen Bee. Whether it involves surreptitiously cringing about that b*tch who just doesn't know how to dress or complaining out loud about how you're having maid issues, making it impossible to handle the work "pressure". Turning a blind eye to the fact that your donkey clerk colleague wakes up at the brink of dawn to cook, clean, take the garbage out...gets ready to come to work (2 hrs before you), drive himself through grueling traffic, spends a better part of two hours on the road, gets to work...and GETS TO WORK.

Scenario 1 : Suck up to the Queen Bee

- Get away with not doing anything all day, except complain about how unfair life is to you
- Get paid twice as much
- Become the face of all things awesome - because the World really needs to know how hardworking and intelligent you are
- Stare blankly into oblivion and/or scratch your head and take the entire day to "figure out" how to print 5 letters
- Delegate everything except wiping your ass after you poop to the "Department Clerk"
- Come at noon and leave at 5pm...since you have such endless maid problems...1 out 3 of your maids didn't show up this morning! OMIGOSH the World might just end now!!!

Scenario 2 : Don't Suck up to the Queen Bee

- Get loaded with scut work that the other two mini Queens are too busy to do - rest assured your To Do List will be populated mostly with mundane operational tasks which will not add a milligram of value to your existence
- Get paid half of what your peers are getting paid - and be told you need to be grateful you were even hired.
- Become the "Backend" of all awesome tasks, even backstage workers in a theatre production get to come out up front at the end...and acknowledged for their contribution...but not "Backend" support workers - they just melt into oblivion
- Get yelled at for not thinking on your feet and being slow...Get yelled at for jumping the gun and thinking 10 steps ahead (whilst you had judiciously decided to intentionally skip those 10 very obvious steps) - Catch 22?
- Have everything delegated to you - from filing to getting the morning coffee - how else will you learn?
- Be expected to arrive at work before the housekeeping staff and leave after the day shift guard! You're being paid to work afterall!

One can't blame companies for hiring over priced clerks! Nor can we blame the clerks for being meek and not voicing out their displeasure. Since everything flows from the top, managers need to be wary of their teams capabilities and should try to be a GENUINE equal opportunity provider (not just in case of hiring the disabled/hiring women). Give everyone a fair chance to excel - playing favorites won't help business in the long run. Build a strong team, identify each individuals strengths - build on it...identify their weakness and empower them to overcome it. It might be painful at first saying no to your favorites but in the long run it will prove to be an excellent decision. You will end up with a team of all rounders as opposed to two 12th men and 2 wicket keepers who are made to bowl and bat while keeping wickets and fielding in general.

...Train of thoughts got derailed a little...be back in a bit with more thoughts to tickle your brain cells :)


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