Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Log Kya Kahenge ~ The "Judgement" Call




Case 1: "You can't step out like that! You're a married woman!" protested a senior citizen father to his newly divorced daughter as she prepared to leave the house in a pencil skirt and a conservative top. To her, this attire seemed perfectly appropriate for work, but in her father's eyes, it seemed scandalous, unfit even for a quick trip to the local grocer. "What will people say?" he fretted. The situation was already delicate with her residing in his house after her divorce, and her choice of clothing only added to the discomfort, perceived as inappropriate and scandalous.


Case 2: In another scenario, a father engaged in a heated discussion with a female relative about the "acceptable" time for a woman to return home from work. The relative staunchly declared that if her daughter-in-law returned after 8 pm, she'd compel her to quit her job. Astonishingly, this decree applied regardless of their work timings or locations. The societal judgment about when one should return home, rooted in the fear of 'what will people say,' overshadowed practicalities and individual circumstances.


Our society thrives on the fear of judgment, a constant pressure to conform or risk becoming an outcast. Although there's a notion of progressiveness, a significant portion remains bound by rigid norms. Matthew's speech on "Moral Fiber" in Girl Next Door resonates with the societal expectation to conform, emphasizing doing what's deemed right regardless of individual circumstances. Sadly, this moral fabric is often used to constrain rather than empower, woven by neighbors, relatives, and societal norms.


Judgment is ingrained in our nature—some express it boldly (like the minister linking noodles to youth tendencies of crime), while others resort to clandestine gossip. Passing judgment is a commonality, whether casual or with severe implications, often labeling individuals without merit. The fear of "what will people say" erects barriers, creating a vicious cycle of societal judgment and gossip.


The issue lies not within us but in the societal structure itself. Indians are conditioned to mind others' business more than their own. The "live and let live" ideology has given way to a culture where individuals are wary of being judged by their neighbors. This mentality isn't limited to older generations; peers and siblings perpetuate the judgment culture, amplifying societal expectations.


The concept of morality becomes skewed when others dictate it. What's morally acceptable should align with personal beliefs, not societal norms. Walking to the local dairy in a skirt at 7 am or visiting a pub post-work doesn't compromise morality. These actions are morally correct because they align with personal values, not societal judgment.


This writing serves as a plea for a more tolerant world. It's a conscious effort to refrain from judgment and urges others to do the same. It stands as a call to those burdened by judgment, encouraging them to disregard the opinions of societal "judges." Let's collectively turn a deaf ear to the gossip and live freely, embracing laughter, learning from mistakes, and relishing happiness while it lasts!


2 comments:

laddu said...

log kya sochenge, agar yeah hum sochenge, toh phir log kya sochenge..
your plea is not gonna work.. whether u r a divorced or unmarried, gl or a guy, ppl r gonna talk.. one should teach themselves how to be strong instead and not let it effect them emotionally.. learn to be strong cos ppl r just not gonna stop..not in our life time at-least..

Anonymous said...

History is littered with examples of people feeling the same way through each successive generation and and psychiatrists today find the same situation albeit in a different garb.
Morality - Conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.
The rules here are made and moulded by each generation for the successive ones and these rules are fluid. Eg- customs practiced 400 years ago with fervor often loose steam if they cannot be adapted to the changing lifestyle. Like in nature only the adaptable survive. And something that is old or beyond the current level of understanding does’nt make it wrong, whether from your side or the judgemental people’s.
If their is a problem with any rule an argument that’s not just understandable to the creator of the rule, but also tugs on their connect with its applicability is required to change the rule. Is your plea understandable to the audience you are trying to motivate into changing their beliefs? Just like typecasting anybody and having hostilities against someone doesn't solve a problem which has its roots in something else, neither does explaining outside the mental capabilities of a person.
Our own morality is what we make it, and the society's morality is what the tribe makes it. If there is an urge to change the tribes behavior, speak in their language, else risk being ineffective.
Change for the sake of change is irrational, if it has merits and isn't explained properly its meaningless. Evolution mental or physical is a slow process and we should try to remember to keep things on point i.e have a higher mode of calling for change in attributes that are of deeper meaning than just being divorced or coming home late from work or the ability to wear a pencil skirt to a local vendor.
First world problems - When you already have a substantial amount of what you need, yet you complain about the quality and type of things you want.
when the father stops the newly divorced daughter from going to work or makes her quit her job instead of fighting about the timings, when the daughter is not allowed to get a divorce from an unhappy marriage, when somebody is not allowed to go to a pub period (whether or not she sleeps with the people she goes with), are just some examples of problems that probably deserve more of your attention.
Seems, like our previous generation we too follow a misguided sense of self righteousness that permeates from us and affects things around us. So, I may not be one of the people around you but this is a request none the less to measure what you have with the scales of what is conceivable in the environment you're in and bring change by setting an example not just for the people younger/ the same as you, but also for the people who are elder to you and a pertinent one at that. Getting bogged down isn't the end unless you make it to be.
This comment is a post in itself but I prefer to talk to fewer people who I hope can understand than more who I know won’t.
"A person is smart and calm, while people are irrational and panicky".
Same is the case for society, it is comprised of the same people you may love or hate, changing the whole starts with changing the composition on a unitary level.




Long comment a result of an uneventful weekend.
Pardon the intrusion.

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