Now now before you all start to question my sexuality and frame of mind for posting such a “controversial” story I’d like to lay emphasis on the fact that the title is misleading. By bitch I was NOT referring to:
A woman who:
-Will have sex with everybody, but you.
-Won't do what (you in your feeble mind) want her to.
-You work for, that tells you what to do, and you don't like it.
-A successful woman.
-A down right drama queen that makes yours, and everyone’s lives around her miserable.
-A control freak that always thinks she is right, and constantly corrects everyone.
-Is on the receiving end of any sexual activity (applicable to males too)
-Is Beautiful, Intelligent and Causes Hard-ons ;)
-Cries and throws a fit about something that’s so irrelevant that noone gives a sh*t about it (including her).
By now I’m sure you all have a rough idea of the bitch that I was NOT referring to…so I can continue without digressing…a month ago I adopted a lil pup, and incase you haven’t caught up yet – it’s a female…she’s a bitch (for real). Now this ingenious idea was conceived and executed by Malika (my bestest best friend forever)…she has a knack for coming up with these crazy plans in the nick of time and making my day (she got us an elephant ride on my birthday – just so you get an idea about the elevated levels of insanity that we both share)…anyways back to the crux of the story – my bitch (ha ha I love the way that sounds) is the most adorable thing ever! I think she is the best looking dog I have ever come across (even though she’s a cross bred mongrel); she’s smart, she’s furry, she’s irresistible…and she keeps me up all night. Little did I know, bringing a puppy home is almost equivalent to becoming a first time mom (with much less pain, sans the post partum depression). The first step was convincing my folks to let me keep the lil furball (who we – Malika n I - dubbed Lexie Lottery – yes, she has a first and a last name). My dad isn’t into animals and well hell broke loose when I showed up at the door with a puppy in my arms. Since I had prepared for the worst – I managed to convince my folks to let me keep her – I figured they would fall in love with her eventually (I was sooo right).
Once the “honeymoon period” was over reality dawned – puppies are broken pooping, peeing, chewing and barking records that play on loop! There’s no time, no place or control of their bodily functions. Hell they don’t even care if the carpet they just “did their stuff on” was a relic that belonged to the Prince of Persia! Play-Eat-Sleep-Poop-Pee…that was all she did all day long…all night long…! Owing to the fact that I had brought her home I was entrusted the responsibility of wiping the pee, scooping the poop and cleaning up the mess made by the tsunami (Should have named her that!). It was tolerable for a few days till she adjusted to her new environment…but thereafter the house was her oyster and boy did she know how to wreck it! Like a human baby she’d make strange noises after pooping/peeing – probably calling the janitor (ie me) to come and pick up the dump as she stood examining what came out with great enthusiasm. For all those people who’ve never had pets before and are thinking of adopting – just remember – its not pleasant waking up at 2am/3am/4am to clean sh*t! Those who have pets can take a moment to empathise with me…
The point of this post was not to crib about my little one (because I love her too much to be deterred by such frivolity) but to ponder about myself (how selfish am I!)…Malika and I are binary opposites when it comes to children – I HATE THEM…she dotes on them – she loves kids – size/shape/colour/etc simply don’t matter…and I feel that it’s a mutual thing – kids love her too. I wish I could say the same about myself…I get irritated in their presence – and the feeling is once again very mutual – I’ve never met a kid who doesn’t start crying after seeing my face! *seriously*
So when Malika saw how I catered to all of Lexie’s whims n fancies she pointed out that I would make a great parent and that somehow my behaviour proves that I like kids! Ewww! The mere thought is creepy…but that makes me wonder – if I can mother a little puppy the way I do – would I be the same with a baby? (HELL NO!)...???
A woman who:
-Will have sex with everybody, but you.
-Won't do what (you in your feeble mind) want her to.
-You work for, that tells you what to do, and you don't like it.
-A successful woman.
-A down right drama queen that makes yours, and everyone’s lives around her miserable.
-A control freak that always thinks she is right, and constantly corrects everyone.
-Is on the receiving end of any sexual activity (applicable to males too)
-Is Beautiful, Intelligent and Causes Hard-ons ;)
-Cries and throws a fit about something that’s so irrelevant that noone gives a sh*t about it (including her).
By now I’m sure you all have a rough idea of the bitch that I was NOT referring to…so I can continue without digressing…a month ago I adopted a lil pup, and incase you haven’t caught up yet – it’s a female…she’s a bitch (for real). Now this ingenious idea was conceived and executed by Malika (my bestest best friend forever)…she has a knack for coming up with these crazy plans in the nick of time and making my day (she got us an elephant ride on my birthday – just so you get an idea about the elevated levels of insanity that we both share)…anyways back to the crux of the story – my bitch (ha ha I love the way that sounds) is the most adorable thing ever! I think she is the best looking dog I have ever come across (even though she’s a cross bred mongrel); she’s smart, she’s furry, she’s irresistible…and she keeps me up all night. Little did I know, bringing a puppy home is almost equivalent to becoming a first time mom (with much less pain, sans the post partum depression). The first step was convincing my folks to let me keep the lil furball (who we – Malika n I - dubbed Lexie Lottery – yes, she has a first and a last name). My dad isn’t into animals and well hell broke loose when I showed up at the door with a puppy in my arms. Since I had prepared for the worst – I managed to convince my folks to let me keep her – I figured they would fall in love with her eventually (I was sooo right).
Once the “honeymoon period” was over reality dawned – puppies are broken pooping, peeing, chewing and barking records that play on loop! There’s no time, no place or control of their bodily functions. Hell they don’t even care if the carpet they just “did their stuff on” was a relic that belonged to the Prince of Persia! Play-Eat-Sleep-Poop-Pee…that was all she did all day long…all night long…! Owing to the fact that I had brought her home I was entrusted the responsibility of wiping the pee, scooping the poop and cleaning up the mess made by the tsunami (Should have named her that!). It was tolerable for a few days till she adjusted to her new environment…but thereafter the house was her oyster and boy did she know how to wreck it! Like a human baby she’d make strange noises after pooping/peeing – probably calling the janitor (ie me) to come and pick up the dump as she stood examining what came out with great enthusiasm. For all those people who’ve never had pets before and are thinking of adopting – just remember – its not pleasant waking up at 2am/3am/4am to clean sh*t! Those who have pets can take a moment to empathise with me…
The point of this post was not to crib about my little one (because I love her too much to be deterred by such frivolity) but to ponder about myself (how selfish am I!)…Malika and I are binary opposites when it comes to children – I HATE THEM…she dotes on them – she loves kids – size/shape/colour/etc simply don’t matter…and I feel that it’s a mutual thing – kids love her too. I wish I could say the same about myself…I get irritated in their presence – and the feeling is once again very mutual – I’ve never met a kid who doesn’t start crying after seeing my face! *seriously*
So when Malika saw how I catered to all of Lexie’s whims n fancies she pointed out that I would make a great parent and that somehow my behaviour proves that I like kids! Ewww! The mere thought is creepy…but that makes me wonder – if I can mother a little puppy the way I do – would I be the same with a baby? (HELL NO!)...???
Who can resist falling for this cutie pie...
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