Another Year, Another Callender :)

Ok so 2009 is over, 2010 has begun and brought with it a myriad of misery and woe (not for everyone, I speak only for myself and all those who like to wallow in self pity and hate the world for existing). For starters my intellectually stunted brain will have to adjust to the fact that the date will no longer be dd/mm/2009 but dd/mm/2010 – which will take a few months to register and sink in leading to several errors places that require dates to be written. But then again that shouldn’t be such a big cause of misery (or should it?)…the New Year marks a new beginning for all the “happy happy joy joy” types of people in the world – they make resolutions and keep trying to convince themselves that they will keep those resolutions for longer than they did in the last year…and the year before that…and the year before the year before that…

The New Year for others also marks a time when they reflect on all that they have done in the previous year and contemplate how good/bad their lives have been thus far and again make promises to themselves to improve their lives and do that much more to be better people and what not. They look at the New Year as a time of hope, a new beginning, starting afresh, watching unicorns dancing across a star spangled sky with rainbows and butterflies in their picture perfect candy-floss tinted world…No disrespect for such people – I actually admire the way you live in your own make believe parallel universe where there’s so much hope and happiness…

The New Year for me is a time of supreme sadness as I look back at how I’ve wasted another year of my life doing absolutely nothing productive to add to my net worth. It’s a time to reflect on all the things that have gone wrong in the past and to mope about how they will continue to go wrong in the future because some people learn from their mistakes whilst others “wonder” what would happen if they committed the same mistake again – would the outcome be different or is there a slight possibility that it might end up differently this time? This particular New Year has been especially sad – college is about to get over, I am being forced to choose the least crappy job from a number of crappy jobs being offered to me, I watch my classmates from back in the days have the time of their lives enjoying (or pretending to enjoy) whatever they do. It’s a time when I try to lay to rest my daemons only to have them come back to life in less than a week from their burial, a time when I realize that the fight is futile – its better to run and run fast before my deeds catch up with me and destroy the little speckles of happiness in my otherwise dark and desolate world…Before anyone starts to think this whole post is going to be a desperate cry for pity because its not…its merely an off beat take on the joy and merriment of the holiday cheer...

Right now since the whole world is out making resolutions and trying ever so hard to adhere to them – I too shall break my long tradition of being anti-resolution and make a few of my own…so here goes:

#1 I shall spend less of my waking hours on Facebook and other such networking sites (they know who they are) playing lame ass games, taking mind numbing quizzes and consequently feeling like I have achieved a lot in life. I don’t need a quiz created by some bored, slightly neurotic, hormonally imbalanced teenager to tell me how pretty/smart/pleasant/lovable/athletic/etc I am because no one else will. I will make a conscious effort to grow out of it…right after I plough my farm and plant the poinsettia’s.

#2 I shall try to create, patent and follow my own exercise routine…yoga/pilates/aerobics/gym are passé. It’s high time someone did something creative that would encourage people to actually wake up and move their lazy ass’s off the couch. This exercise routine will not be time bound, it can be done at any time convenient (since most obese people aren’t morning people – there is absolutely no need to wake up in the morning and work out). The technique shall be simple, the “exerciser” will simply have to raise their arms up in the air and run around the block screaming “The end is here…2012 was a lie”. This will attract a whole horde of people who will chase after the “exerciser”…some of those will support the conspiracy theory whilst others would want to throw rocks at him/her. This will make the “exerciser” run until the chase ends in the “exerciser” being cornered. At that stage he/she should drop to the floor and “play dead” thus relaxing the muscles in their body. Once several attempts have been made to resuscitate them and they are feeling relaxed – they can simply get up, brush the dirt off their clothes, yell “April Fools” and begin a light jog back home (chances are the angry mob might follow so it could range from light jog to a run-for-your-life sprint). This technique should burn approximately 1000 calories per attempt (provided you don’t go home and hog out of anxiety), but should not be repeated more than once in the same locality (you might just get arrested or sent to the looney bin or both).

#3 I will attempt to subject the world to more torturous blogs than I have last year (I had a bit of a dry spell in between that makes me feel like a Blog Virgin right now). However, my blog posts will be utterly senseless and somewhat mind-numbingly stupid so STATUTORY WARNING: read at your own risk – or with a crash helmet (incase your brain explodes due to an overload of insanity – the helmet will help the contents from spilling out).

#4 I will spend more time doing recreational activities that I did not pursue last year because I thought (and was told on some occasions) that I suck at them. I’d hate to have to toss and turn in my grave because I didn’t try my hand out at air guitaring or graffiti! So I will adopt a rather large “I don’t give a f*ck what you think” attitude and go out and do what I gota do! But if the torture gets overbearing (to me) I’ll prolly stop.

#5 I plan to spend less money on…ummm those things that I spend money on (I am sorry but if I were to list all those explicit items I might get arrested and then the world will be deprived of my gyaan so I shall leave some things to you wild wild imaginations). The reason for this sudden “miser-syndrome) is that I have an acquaintance who has managed to “save” around 40k since she was in school. Now, that chick admittedly has no real life but that is some feat in my books. 40k is a lot of moolah. I have been trying to save up to buy a snazzy new phone and so far that hasn’t happened (and something tells me it ain’t going to happen any time soon). So I am going to try to save a certain amount of money every day (even if its 10bucks) and hopefully by 2012 I will have enough to buy a new phone * smug *

#6 I will try and LISTEN more and TALK less – I have been told on more than one occasion that I don’t listen to people (and that I am cruel, insensitive, blunt, uncaring, irritating, bitchy etc etc. but I can only handle one problem a year so this year it’s the listening issues). Most of the people who complain about my listening problem don’t realize that they are insignificant entities in my life and I don’t really give a damn about what they are saying because their opinion doesn’t matter. Yet they feel they should try to save me from utter doom and destruction by telling me about my “problem” and trying to put on a supportive face to make me believe that they want to help – well you win…I will try to listen to your insignificant tattling (or atleast pretend to listen better than before).

#7 …ok ummm I think I ought to stop now – this post is getting way too long and I’m actually getting bored writing it so heaven forbid I subject the few followers I have to more torture. I know you are far from interested in knowing my resolutions because there are so many other problems in the world but then I had to open my blogging account on the new year with a new post and somehow I have not yet gained full brain function from the new year frolic so it could take a while before something more sensible gets posted…HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!