In Conversation...With Myself

* phone rings*
Man: Hello

Me: Hey! Hiiii…Whats upppppp? Long time no talk!

Man: Nothing much you tell me…

Me: Man you know today was such a pathetic day in college (pause)

Man: Why? What happened?

Me: You won’t believe what the “bhenji gang” did today man. Such b*tches! They got me into shit with Gaylord! Remember I told you about that stupid FRP that we had to make as a group assignment?

Man: * wondering who the bhenji gang is/who Gaylord is/what FRP stands for * umm yea what happened?

Me: Well I made the whole freaking ass myself and they walked away with all the credit and they had the balls to tell Gaylord that I didn’t work as a group. Then he called me and gave me this moral lecture about how I need to learn how to adjust to group dynamics and shit like that. I mean this is ridiculous! Just cuz’ I don’t go lick his ass crevice he thinks he has the guts to say that to me!

Man: * sickened by the visual depict of me licking someone’s ass crevice * man that’s bad. Phir? (What happened next)

Me: Well I gave it back to him – in a very decent way ofcourse - but I made sure he realised that I was not at fault. He thinks I’m anti social and what not. These bitches aren’t friends man…I don’t have any friends, college is so miserable; I have such a sad life. Khair (Anyways) you tell me, how’s college?

Man: Good. Nothing much

Me: Hmm…so when’s your result coming? Man I’m so freaking scared – my mid term exams start from next week and I haven’t even started studying anything. I hardly pay any attention in class. I’m pretty sure I’m going to flunk Macro and CF 2 and CB. Pakka!

Man: * wondering what cf / cb stand for * Arre don’t worry, you’ll do well, I know you’re smart.

Me: Man you have no clue this time I’ll flunk for sure – you know during the Macro class our classroom turns into Heathrow Airport! So many paper plane flights take off/land/crash on the teachers head…and all I do is make inflight announcements in both Hindi and English! * giggles * That Parveen Babbi woman is such a loser – worse than Gaylord – she’s like totally traumatised by our class – leaves in tears every other day. Ooooh I totally forgot to tell you! I saw Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi four times already! First I went with Mallu, then I saw it with my college friends, the next time I went with mom and finally with cousins. Isn’t that so cool?

Man: Ya, you should get an award for single handedly trying to make SRK movies a hit. I haven’t seen it yet.

Me: Whaaaaat! You haven’t seen it yet? Man you have to you have to! How can you miss such an awesome movie? You men should really learn something from Suri Ji. God he’s sucha cutie…* sighs *…I love Shahrukh (dreamy pause)

Man: Umm…ok listen I’ll call you later at night ok?

Me: Nooo! You always say that but you never call! Then I wait and wait and wait and wait! You and your counter strike! Its always counter strike! It’s just not fair! Hmmph! Hey did you watch the ManU game the other night? We totally crushed Derby County!

Man: Nope I didn’t, what was the score?

Me: We killed them 4-1; Nani, my baby Ronaldo, Gibson and Welbeck all scored…Derby just got lucky once...It was a sure shot win. Anyways when are you having holidays man? Anytime soon? And your exams? Say something you hardly ever talk! Plus you’ve called after soooo many days and you’re not even saying anything! Hadh hai (That’s the limit)

Man: * wondering why he missed that split second chance to say a few words * umm its ok…Hey listen I’ll call you later ok? Bye * cuts phone *
(Breathes a sigh of relief)
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And then people say I TALK ALOT! Seriously...!